EVERYWOMAN'S LESSON: THE OGOCHUKWU ONUCHUKWU'S STORY
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| Ogochukwu Onuchukwu (31/10/76- 27/02/12)
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| Kevin, Ogo and the Children |
Sad
and painful though it was to read, the absolutely gut wrenching expose “A Voice
from the Grave: My Story” from the website http://www.ogorip.com/my-story.html
cut me to the quick. Going by the details written
posthumously in the “First Person” by someone who obviously knew the late Ogochukwu
Onuchukwu and was most likely a
confidante during her dark period and could capture the essence of her pain; Ogo’s life was for the most part; going by the
details; one of misery in the 12 years of marriage to Kevin.
My
first reaction was one of outrage, because barely a month ago I had happened on
an article by Stella Damasus that had evoked similar feelings. One in which she
bemoaned the death of a friend who lost her life in questionable circumstances;
though it was an “open” secret that she had at various times been a victim of
abuse at the hands of her husband and her death resulted from a coma she didn’t
awake from after one such incidents. So here I was again reading a story with a
“Death by Marriage” Sentence if only with a slight twist.
This time around, I chose not to succumb to the anger I felt rising in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought of the pain that she must have had to to live with during the period, but rather I chose to seek for Divine understanding as I returned to read through the page yet again. This time I read it with a fine toothcomb, sieving through the Letter with as clear a head and state of mind as I could muster and a heightening sense of responsibility.
Yes a sense of Responsibility to OGO;
Yes a sense of Responsibility that should be shared by EVERY WOMAN who reads or hear about HER STORY
Yes a sense of Responsibility that was no doubt felt by the person who hosted that website in her Honour to tell HER STORY
Yes a sense of Responsibility; that goes beyond all the Insults and Curses that many would have No doubt hurled at Kevin and his Kin for their role in her Ogo’s Death.
Yes a sense of Responsibility that should go beyond concern and a show of Compassion for the Children she left behind especially her “Special Child” Kamsi who needs all the care and attention that we as women know firsthand that only a mother can provide. But I know Grand Ma would receive strength from above to “hold them”.
Yes a sense of Responsibility that should make EVERYWOMAN yield to the wakeup call that are these words from her LETTER “I am gone.. Gone forever. But if one woman, just one woman will learn from my story, then maybe I would not have gone in vain.”
I picked out a few lessons as I think you should.
EVERYWOMAN is a Queen and deserves to be treated as one. No WOMAN should allow anyone the benefit of eroding her self esteem. SAY NO! TO VICTIM MENTALITY “Even when you threatened me with a knife, twice you did that, I still felt unworthy of you and very deserving of your hatred.”
EVERYWOMAN should be aware that things never catch you unawares; the signs are always there even when you choose to deny their existence. “You didn’t want me in your life. The signs were all there. Your family had showed me from day one that they didn’t want me. I was the object of a hatred that I could not explain.”
EVERYWOMAN should BREAK THE SILENCE..Keeping quiet about the abuse will not make it go away, it will only get WORSE “Recalling the abusive words, the spitting, the beating, the bruising, the knifing, and the promise that I would not live long for daring to forget to buy garden eggs for your mother, an insult you vowed I would pay for with my life”
EVERYWOMAN should not look to others for validation and self worth. Always remember once God says it, believe it for that settles it. “You may then understand my shock when I stepped out of my home and into new territory with the man of my dreams only to find that I was really not as special as I had been made to believe..In your family’s presence I felt unworthy, unloved and unwanted. Yet, I stayed on.”
EVERYWOMAN should understand that a bad marriage does not make her a BAD person.
EVERYWOMAN should understand that you can’t force Love “Yet, I stayed on. I would make you love me one way or the other”
Six Lessons is as far as I can go, for certainly there are Sistas out there that have more as well..
REMEMBER WE CAN NEVER TELL WHO THAT ONE WOMAN WE SAVE MAY BE; SHE JUST MIGHT BE A SISTER, A DAUGHTER, A MOTHER, A FRIEND, AN AUNT, A BOSS, AN ACQUAINTANCE (THE LIST IS ENDLESS)
GOD BLESS US ALL
OSA
IT IS WELL
ReplyDeletePlease read ds very important side :
Deletehttp://www.nairaland.com/902399/other-side-story-grave-ogochukwu
Osa,
ReplyDeleteI think we need to organise a march around this sad event to create awareness on the travails of women in the hands of their husbands and in laws. We should get together and mount a campaign on the social networks. We need to take this story all the way to Aso Villa, the National Assembly and all Government Houses in Nigeria. We need to prevent the killing of the next Ogo. Ohunene, are you in on this?
I agree with you VT Buz. We need to make an everlasting statement. marching is a good way to begin.
DeleteThank you for your perspective on this issue; the more we speak, the more people hear...the more they hear, the more they will begin to re-think their values.
ReplyDeleteWe should begin to teach our brothers and sons, our daughters and sisters to value themselves rather than waiting to find value through another human being.
We should stop villifying people who opt out of a 'deadly' relationship and support them instead.
Once again, thank you for your own unique take on this matter.
Bless
I'm lost for words about your analysis, they were so precise. I wept when I read 'her letter', wept for her, wept for me and all those (men and women) who are going/gone through domestic violence. We will shout for the whole world to hear and LEARN. I was a victim and I understand her 'worthlessness' but never again. I'm so strong now that I even wonder why I allowed all the abuse in the first place. Like Splitting Issues said, we need to educate the younger generation, marriage is not a do or die affair. Love is beautiful and no ugly trait must be tolerated.
ReplyDeleteOSA i'm so with u on ur take on dis issue. every other comment here too is noteworthy. She's so young and could have had a better life without Kevin. RIP Ogo
ReplyDeleteTouching story I must say but its sad to note that most respondents have commented like typical Nigerians! We are yet to confirm the authenticity of this piece or yet still hear from the other party involve and yet castigate and haul insults at the husband! Obviously we know its not the lady in question that wrote this piece so who did and what is/was the motive? I do not support spousal abuse in any form but then I'll prefer we all hear the other side of the story before hypocritically casting the first stone. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeletei understand your reservations, but i advice that you visit this page on FB http://www.facebook.com/OgochukwuOnuchukwu also read some comments from people who knew her i.e 'Every time i look at a picture of you or pick up the mail from the mailbox with your name on it or scroll down my phone and see your name or listen to your voice messages, the pain comes back even worse than before. Its still not real to me! But my consolation: No one can hurt you anymore. No more pain or burden for you. Rest in peace my dear sister-in-law and my friend.'
DeleteI agree very much with the last speaker, much as condemn domestic violence, this lady had seeming good things of life. Another person if you read through some comments on facebook who claimed to know the couple in question opined that it was not really the way it happened. There is always 2 sides to every story, things are not always the way they seem. Ogoo(God bless her soul) if she had written the letter as a dying declaration then maybe I would have swallowed it hook line and sinker.Let's not just be in a crazy haste to jugde. My opinion.
ReplyDeleteI have first hand information on the OGOCHUKWU/KEVIN ONUCHUKWU story.Everything in it its true and some more.In as much as we are in the public domain,the awareness sought to create about the emotional and physical abuse women and in some cases men too go through in the name of marriage should not be diminished, just because we are yet to hear the other side of the story.Kevin should tell the world why he has maintained a wall of silence and has refused to officially inform his in laws that their daughter is dead.I f he is has a clear conscience let him go to his in laws,we are waiting.
ReplyDeleteWomen always say things like 'men don't understand that our 'no' means 'no'. But from this story, clearly, men's 'Get out of my house' or 'I don't want you in my life' means 'if you have a baby boy, everything will be OK'. Too bad Kevin; you're going down!
ReplyDeleteOSA, you have done a good piece no doubt.. But, then, a critique of ur work is laden wt emotional effusions... Every conclusion has a basic logic format, this we often shy away frm. I DO NOT kw dez ppl... However, there a fundamental questions that should natural arise from the story; they are, is Ogo the only child? I read she's d last born.. What was the role of her family members in her marriage? Marriage is a contract by two families! What were the positions of dez families wen tins went awry?
ReplyDeleteWhen Ogo started seeing the signs of incompatibility frm Kevin's siblings, why did she stuck? How did she meet Kevin? These questions are quite imperative in the bid to unravel the duo. The narrator was so mean and lopsided that she never mentioned anytin gd abt this Kevin. Why? But, fm OSA pasted a pix f their trip to London to my amazement! Could it b the London trips, exotic lifestyle and permanent security - which every woman is willing to die with tie Ogo to this 'devil' ? What manner of a woman would live wt a man is has bn described 2 b so satanic? If Kevin were like every other poor school leaver, managing life would Ogo v made dez sacrifices? Why was she desperate to v children for Kevin? It was in the course of going extra mile to secure a place in Kevin's home that she encountered the dangerous medications that destabilized her body chemistry.
Ogo's story garnered doubts where the narrator began to question Kevin's right to sell Ogo's car. That's the psychedelic exposition that lie latent in most women. If the sell of that car could assist in settling her medical bills what's wrong wt dt? After all, the narrator admitted that Kevin was already bankrupt.
I recall in the story, where she made some frantic contact wt Exxon Mobil at Eket to query Kevin for abandoning her in London... Is that necessary in the true spirit of marriage which u represent n Kevin doesn't...
Conclusion;
Most girls r yet to state a clear purpose of their marital lures/mission. Blinded by frolics they scout for the 'big boys;, flashy cars, exotic weddings for quick paste on Facebook to impress the world, leaving a shadow f reality that trail dem fro a life time. I wish to leave sm rhetorical ?'s - Girls who r u dating? What is ur motivation? There certain characters that we shud kp in abeyance, no mata d lures! Though, its no gd to speak ill of the dead... I am well tempted to do so... But God forbid! As an African Jew, i resist it.
Finally; the choice spirit that rules the slopes drags women 2 live debase lives!
Okoro Benedict
dolphite@gmail.com
Why is tht everytime a woman marries a rich guy,pple assume that it is only becos of the wealth and if he had notin she prob won't have done tht.there is prob anoda reason why she stayed and we all know our society doesn't not entertain the idea of divorce or leaving ur husband house no matter the circumstances jst the sme way society looks down on woman who aren't married and still in their 30s. "PRESSURE",pressure drives woman into marriage all for the sake of not been labeled an old maiden or call a flirt for leaving ur husband house.I think the idea of awareness is a great one.our society have made it so easy for such atrocities to go on even our mothers had gone throu such ordeal and to them it is the normal rigours of marriage.leaving makes u weak.this is not the first time I have heard of such story,I have even experienced one.it is high time we do something about it so our children don't make the same mistakes.
Deletehighpriest your remark is well intentioned and I am certain that is your perception on the matter; i will definitely go with you on the issue of most people doing anything they can and putting up with anything for a 'good life', but truth be told its not always the case. i also want you to look at it from another angle: that of empathy; you see sometimes you may think you are very strong till you come against a situation the is stronger than you..there are some families that cut the apron strings the moment a woman marries in the guise of not wanting to interfere or be intrusive; some women are good at hiding their shame for fear of being jugded. people like these should be offered support. you will be surprised how many desire to leave but are helpless to do so. why do you think there are abused women shelters way..these women need to rebuild their self esteem more than anything else
Deletemy elder sister who died on 13 feb. 2012 was also a victim of this avoidable death. the fear of not being isolated as a result of failed marriage took her life. infact it is a great lesson to every woman especially to the family of the woman,that if your daugher's marriage fails that does not mean she is a failure. accept her back because she is still your daugher. if any thing should happen to her,it is her own family that will feel the pain
ReplyDeleteAt Femage World we offer discreet service to victims of domestic violence. If you are going through one or know anyone who is, please do not hesitate to contact us on info@femageworld.org
ReplyDeleteWOW!!
ReplyDeleteA lady has passed away, a man and two children are alive. These are the ONLY facts we can deduce from this very wicked letter from the grave, which even if written by a 'confidante, is a gross violation of privacy and whether true or not, has condemned this man (Kevin) to a life much less than that of a destitute. No one knows what happened in those twelve years except what this confidante, this nameless confidante has expxosed and which has gone viral. We live in a time when a story is factual only if it is shared by thousands.
A friend of this Kevin chap, Uddy Ntia (note that he has appended a name to his letter) wrote a letter on the back of the one written rather clandestinely on behalf of Ogo, where he revealed a little bit more about the couple. He appears to be the only one thus far who has come out to right first hand on what he witnessed, having lived with them in Houston. He has also revealed that the lady had a pre-existing medical condition and it was a surgery paid for by the husband that claimed her life when she did not make it out of a coma via the anesthestics she was put under. There was talk of the husband, Kevin, suing for malpractice. I will implore all to find and read this 2nd letter and let those of us who went to school or who are trained in dealing with DV issues, trained psychologists or 1st hand victims, let them comment instead. I am deeply gutted that the lives of those children have now forever been affected by this very wicked letter. We are better than this.The owner of this blog spot is better than this. Or is she?
A person's credibility can be destroyed by a a single stroke of the pen. or by three words as I did in the last paragraph above.
Let us put everything first before God INCLUDING those things we do not have first hand knowledge about.
I do not know either of the parties involved but I stand firmly in the path of reasoning.
My dear, before you go off on a tangent and hurl words at me, though truth be told, I thank God that words of mortals may provide a sense of responsibility for me, but they don't define me. So when you say something like "The owner of this blog spot is better than this. Or is she?",I take it in good faith and move on.
DeleteThe fact is, I didn't pen the Ogo expose that has gone viral and of course I am also not responsible for the different reactions it has elicited. But what I have control over, is how I chose to react to it. If you really read this blog post, you will admit that I didn't pay Kevin any mind. What I did was to simply do an analysis of the "letter" for what it was at face value; the chronicles of an abused woman, hence my reference to "EVERYWOMAN".
You mention one Uddy Ntia, my dear that is no longer valid as Kevin's defence is already in public fora, you may wish to read it on http://www.ogorip.net/blog.html# ogochuckwu:the true story.You will notice that Ntia's details about the last operation and the circumstances of the death are quite different from the "true version" in which he claims not to have known she was going for surgery because at the time she was on the OT at the behest of her sister he assumed she was buying wrappers in Lagos. The story just continues to unfold, that is why I believe that only the two know exactly what happened and only one remains to tell the story..
Mathew 7:2
DeleteI read your comments, read those behind it, found and read quite a few of the over 4600 searches revealed by google most of which leans towards the hades filled venom thrown at this man and it reminds me of that knob on a HiFi, the one with which you balance the left and right speakers, move it a notch to the left or right and that equillibrium is broken. Most of the write ups, including your break down, invokes a sense of sympathy to womanhood or femalehood. If that is not taking sides then what is.....
I have a story which had my spouse passed away at the time when she went into hospital 6 yrs ago, it may have been me in this Kevin's situation. Today the scars of a rather violent mental abuse on my person is still strongly felt and my wife, who I am still with, reminds me every blessed day of the pains she and her family (still) put me through and I hear 365 apologies a day. I take solace in the fact that I was brought up and not dragged up, that I made my choices and that prayers do work. Only God knows what went on with those two. Lets leave it at that. It is rarer to find an abused man. Someone has to speak up.
My dear everybody has a story suffice it to say this is the 6th year since Jehovah restored our marriage that will be in its 16th year by April. Life can be unfair and the only guarantee we have is one that comes from being confident that God is Able.
DeleteBecause of the viral nature of the world today, we all need to guard our affairs with diligence. I hope you have read Kevin's own version http://www.ogorip.net/blog.htm I still would have an opinion but I would not pass judgement. Because any husband of a wife who exits this world under questionable circumstances would leave behind a husband who would be considered suspect No.1, but with the benefit of hindsight I know that is not always the case. Abuse can also be self inflicted and when it ends in tragedy the man will still have some questions to answer but at the end of the day it is the truth that matters. Yes my comments may seem one sided but not necessarily so, because in a later blogpost I urged everyone to Speak out against domestic spousal abuse..But women are usually a higher percentage of those at the recieving end, so much so that the United Nations acknowledges this and sets aside a 16 days of Advocacy period each year to raise awareness for its campaign to stop the violent and abusive treatment of women worldwide. On the list of types of abuse and violence, domestic violence and abuse of the woman by her spouse or significant order rates high up on the scale. A woman can feel abused if she feels unwanted, one would expect that she should have a hefty dose of self esteem/worth..often the emotional scars are worse than the physical ones and the earlier we understand this the better. But i must admit to you dear that at the end of the day, na only god and nothing else. like you said and I have also posited in another blogpost, for all our different takes on the issue, only two people know what the 411 truly is and one can never speak except like Saul and the Witch of Endor some conjuring is involved and that in itself is an aberration before God. Whether this story is true or not, it doesn't wipe out the reality of abuse. If Kevin has been unfairly maligned I am confident that one way or the other he will be vindicated. I cannot be accused of being unjust, because some comments I have read and remarks I have heard on this matter gives me the creeps; but like I have maintained from the beginning, this story only served to bring to the fore the pain many spouses suffer behind closed doors. Ogo's story was simply the catalyst to shift the majority of us from our comfort zones and begin to look out for others....
Forgive me for taking this liberty, but I would just like to swiftly chip in something.. i thank god for your Story but whatever the case may be and whether done lightly, the several daily apologies you referred to are totally unnecessary and you should encourage her not to bring it up.. words like thoughts no matter how harmless have the power to create flash backs. The set time came, the captivity was turned around ngwanu now all you need to do is look forward to the many years ahead without any references to the pain of the past. trust me you will live a drea each day.. And I mean this in a good way because years after our captivity was turned we still seem as if we DREAM
Stay Rooted
this man has to be sacked from his place of work ..he is a baby husband to have loved the mother more than the sick wife.he should be left to encounter real poverty n den see if the more can love him all the way....offcourse if he doesnt repent from his evil, hell surely waits him.....me i cant marry a woman from his place!!!
ReplyDeleteoh please y'all i read both sides of the story n i believe there is an element of truth in that story regarding abuse even her school friends on fb confirmed it n also the letter written by the barrister raises questions too...why a lawyer? she claimed to have investigated which means d husband cld ave consulted her services...i dnt doubt d fact that he must have spent a lot of money on her...bt to be realistic a lot of igbo men r generally dominant,possessive n controlling..too bad d dead cant confirm d story bt it doesnt take a fool to decipher what is true or not.. "When Ogo was alive,why is Kevin's mother's picture in their living room,yet his wife's picture was never there? Why did Kevin choose to go offshore the day his wife had the surgery that finally took her life? And oh a third question: Why is he listed as single in his profile on Linkedin,even before his wife passed away?"-quoted frm d comments below
ReplyDeleteyou are daft , anybody can fabricate any story about anyone, at least the lawyer replyu have a name and facts attached to it , why dont you go and investigate if those facts are wrong like if ogos car was sold and if kevin have actually been paying for her surgeries and why she was refused entry to the states, those are not difficult to find out rather than looking for who to defame online. dumb nigerians you even had to drag igbo men into your shallow analysis.
DeletePlease read ds very important side :
ReplyDeletehttp://www.nairaland.com/902399/other-side-story-grave-ogochukwu
Before u condemn hear Please read ds very important side:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ogorip.net/blog.html#HCB_comment_box
and
http://www.nairaland.com/902399/other-side-story-grave-ogochukwu
AM SO UPSET NOW! READ THIS STORY AND THOUGHT IT WAS FICTION; JUST A STORY. DID THIS REALLY HAPPEN? SOMEONE WRITING FROM THE DEAD? IF IT DID, THIS IS ONE OF THE WORSE KIND OF EVIL AND CRUELTY TO A HUMAN BEING; ESPECIALLY A LOVED ONE. WHY DID THE LADY LEAVE IT TOO LATE; AND ALLOW HERSELF TO BE ABUSED AND KILLED AS SUCH? THIS KELVIN OR KEVIN AND HIS FAMILY SHOULD BE ARRESTED AND PROSECUTED FOR MURDER. AND I HOPE THEY GET THEIR REWARD IN HELL; EVEN IF THEY REPENT OF THIS CRUELTY. IF NOT, I MAY THE SPIRIT OF THE LOVELY Ogochukwu Onuchukwu, MAY HE GENTLE SOUL RIP, HUNT THEM DOWN AND KILL THEM ALL, ONE BY ONE.
ReplyDeleteEVIL FAMILY; IRRESPECTIVE OF WHAT NEGATIVE THING ANYONE ELSE THINKS ABOUT MY WRITE UP. THEY ARE EVIL AND NOT FIT TO BE ON THIS EARTH. MAY GOD REWARD THEM ACCORDINGLY. CRUEL WORLD!
http://www.nairaland.com/902399/other-side-story-grave-ogochukwu
Delete